Inside My Head

A post of ramblings and unrelated thoughts.

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Tonight driving home I was brought to tears by a song on the radio. Has that ever happened to you? I frequently relate music to different events in my life, and sadly the song that was on playing I relate to my grandpa's death.

The night/early morning of his passing, I drove home shortly after the funeral home had come (which is something that I never recommend watching...that was the hardest part for me...). I got in my car and switched the radio to the local christian station. It was playing Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace (the traditional version was also sung at the funeral). I sobbed and sang, thinking of my grandpa. It's definitely a memory that I keep close to me.

Well, needless to say, that song came on the radio tonight, and I was flooded with memories. Even those difficult memories are good to revisit now-and-again.

The power of music is incredible!

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Well, many people have asked about my job for the 09-10 school year. Yes, I have a job. Our program grew and the principal was able to add another part time teacher. I have mixed emotions on the subject. This summer has be spent with uncertainty about the additional position, continued job hunting and subsequent rejection, and anxiety over finances.

I am so grateful to be back in the company of fantastic co-workers/friends, amazing students, and a supportive administration. I adore SFAS and I know that I am blessed to be there for another year.

However, it's the part time status that makes me stressed.

I had a friend last week ask, "How can you be stressed? You have a job and it's close to the same pay as last year?"

She's right. I do have job; one that pays 60% of a beginning teacher's salary. And yes, I did the same thing last year for 65% of a teacher's salary. We barely survived! And, the thought of doing this for another year scares me more than anyone can imagine.

If this was the first year with the reduction we would be ok. But, this is the fourth year of living on less than two full incomes, and unfortunately the cost of everything is going up. The first year was because of my student teaching, followed by my start at SFAS as .75, then a year at .65, and now this upcoming year at .60.

Jon is now working close to 80 hours a week, and we are fortunate that he is able to do that right now, but that could change any minute with hour reductions. And, most of you can imagine how favorable working that much is, when you have a spouse and two young children that love to spend time with you. Oh well. It's what we need him to do, and I am so grateful that he is willing. He has always been the biggest supporter of my teaching career. Thanks Love!

So, here we go again. Another year, that will hopefully lead to a more favorable situation for the next (2010-11) school year. I know that we are going down this road for a reason, and I have faith that we will be a stronger family at the end of it.

Please keep us in your prayers!!

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Speaking of school, it's that time of year where my head is consumed with teaching. I go to sleep thinking about possible projects, ways to organize my materials, and ideas for seating arrangments and classroom decorations.

The only thing that I can relate this to is pregnancy. Most things that happen during the day - using the bathroom, the baby moving, or friendly pregnancy conversation cause you think about the whole process - the room, the clothes, labor...whatever.

Well, I guess that the start of a new school year is like that for me. The planning is important because my day is spent with 20+ impressionable people, and the anxiety of that, and making sure I 'get it right', causes a few sleepless nights and a mind on overdrive for a few weeks. :-)

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Hi. My name is Sara, and I am addicted to the show "Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood."

Okay, not completely, but close. I don't tape it if I miss it, and I haven't read her books (yet), however, I do call my cousin to fill me in on what I missed. I really like the show. Here's why - she struggles with relationships just like me.

First, Tori frets about being a working mom and finding a balance with life. Most moms have had these thoughts, but I just love how she talks openly about it. I would love to spend everyday with my children (and I was blessed to be able to for the passed six weeks), but I am passionate about teaching and wouldn't dream of giving that up.

Secondly, she has issues with her mother. Well, I don't have issues with that - my mom is amazing, but I do struggle with the relationship that my father and I have. It's something that I thought I could get passed, until I had kids, and it started to affect them too. It's hard when person is so family oriented, and the other really doesn't have a clue what that means. Maybe one day...

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My 'sister' just took a temporary position within her company to train new employees in North Carolina. I am so excited for her, but I am already missing her. It's funny that even though we don't see each other too often, just knowing that I can't see her for a few weeks makes me sad.